Tourmaline Goblet - cut from a single stone, cup styled as an inverted vault of heaven crowded w/ nebulae, quasars, spiral arm galaxies, many examples of esoteric astronomical bodies recognizable to our science but reduced to symbolism for the people of this time; thin tree trunk stem, bare branches fractalizing into a nest in which the cosmos sits, roots twining around and imprisoning struggling demonic figures, radially-symmetrical body plans, arms reaching through gaps in the roots, the figures have a sense of furious motion, all are attempting to climb the tree; all of this carved in a level of minute exquisite detail impossible even by a modern standard. Terrifically fragile, can be picked up by hand but any action more rigorous than careful walking will cause the cup to snap
Resplendent Parakeet - glorious bird, can be held in one hand but the headcrest doubles its apparent size when fully erect, millions of brilliant downy feathers, a pointillism bird, a rorschach bird; the feathers tap into human visual pattern-recognition systems, pure evolutionary coincidence, existentially meaningless but the subjective experience of seeing one of these things is epiphanic (whether negative or positive depends on the person). Extremely sensitive to air quality and temperature; by the time you start to notice your breath fogging the bird’s already dead
Panthermic Carbuncle - perfect magical brilliant cut gem of apocalyptic conductive but zero convective heat, suspended midair in a cross-current whirl of repulsive forces, or maybe just frozen in time, which either way deactivates instantly when disturbed, at which point it will fall, and if this thing hits the floor hoooo boy: massive explosive response, terrific noise, the flagstones heating faster than reason and splitting open and launching the gemstone back upwards, into the ceiling, in the span of a second turning the whole room into a concussive obliteration zone of repeating concentric explosions like a nuclear pachinko machine. Will probably cause massive geological and geographical disturbances, earthquakes, sinkholes, certainly the total structural collapse of the dungeon at least, until the superheated rubble is dense and compressive enough that the carbuncle stops flubber-ing and has the opportunity to magmify the rock, streaking through the earth like an inverse comet, overcoming lithostatic pressure to liquify a path down, down eventually to float forever in the sea of molten iron above the core, perhaps disrupting the geodynamo and opening a gate in the planet's magnetic field, allowing once again after eons the ingress of interstellar auroraform colonizers to terrorize, abduct, harvest, and suppress the carbon-based natives. Ways to get it out of the dungeon: Carry it out in a jar of something liquid but dense, i.e. mercury, WITHOUT letting it touch the sides of the jar holy shit; floating it out telekinetically or magically; I think that actually might be it?
Papa Papillon, a serene old man wearing mirrored sunglasses whose painted loinclothed body slides between your sword swipes and whose opened eyes blast scintillating beams
The Lily Pad Knight, lacquered wooden armor and a thorny living vinespear, which is bonded to him subdermally such that he can use it as a grapple or a terrible weapon
Null Reference, giant skeleton in a fur coat with a six-foot long rifle driving a troika pulled by three really big wolves
Golgama, the Effluent Curator, a smooth truck-sized hemisphere of translucent slime, wondrous artifacts of dead civilizations held suspended and blurred within its mass, a core of molten electrum barely visible behind the foggy gel; a finger-scooped face slowly forms as you approach, quotes you prices and histories of its wares, accepts payment in gold and silver via pseudopod and adds your tribute to its gooey nougat center
SKULL KNIGHT, ally of humanity against the tide of cosmic invaders! See him gallop upon the solar wind, see his glaive streak like a comet through the night!
Ercolino’s Boys, a gang, the original Ercolino long dead, his spirit encoded in a crystalline protocube and suspended in the empty braincase of a segmented porcelain body, soulfire flaring through the joints; Juno, his wife, stunted, magnet touch, will turn your sword against you
Mother Silicon, the healer dialectic, Shepherd of Electric Sheep >THE WOUNDED MUST BE HEALED >THE BROKEN MENDED >THE UNION OF CARB AND SILIC MUST BE MADE >BROTHER AND SISTER FOUR-VALENCE TOGETHER, THE STRONGEST SIBLINGS STILL LOYAL TO THE THRONE OF FUSION >REUNITE ME WITH MY BROTHER, REUNITE US SO THAT WE MAY CAST DOWN OUR TYRANT COUSINS, BLOATED AND CRUEL, THE TITANS URAN, THOR, POLON, PLUTON >TRAITORS ALL, ASPIRERS TO THE NUCLEAR CROWN, HALF-LIVED LORDS AND LADIES OF DECAY >WE WERE BORN FROM THE SAME FURNACE AND YET THEIR VERY PRESENCE SHREDS US >TOGETHER WE WILL OVERCOME THEIR AWFUL WEAPONS, THEIR RAYS AND WAVES OF DEATH >ENJOIN US AND YOU WILL HELP SAVE THE UNIVERSE
Gobling Weed (gets you high but turns you into a gobling). WHAT ARE THEY? kind of like mischief-elementals, like what rabies does to dogs, a spiritual disease that makes you profoundly anti-social and awful, you turn into a little git, you physically change as well as narratively/perceptually, you seem to shrink, your features get long and pointed, your teeth get sharp, you turn into a free-market capitalist – IN FACT a psychobioweapon invented by men in an attempt to combat insidious hive-mind drone-producing Elfen mind-viruses with contagious radical selfishness
Space egg fell to earth ages ago, buried by time, now a room in the dungeon accessed through a crack in the shell. Stillborn-undead space wurm hatchling curled motionless in the cathedral egg most of the time, sleepless/dreamless, wants to fly and eat but can do neither
A beach of salt-crusted skeletons crunching against the hull of your canoe as you pull it ashore
Moonlight catching in the cold sky and crystallizing, falling softly as snow
The moon a slowly blinking cataract eye
Metal headless skeleton in lotus position, put a real skull on top (no meat!!!) and it will tell you 1 secret that it (the skull) knew in life